Saturday, June 23, 2012

Things you know if you have a Trapdoor Springfield

Things you know if you have a Trapdoor Springfield:

It was last cleaned on the Great Plains sometime in the 19th century.

Your bullets have a trajectory that resembles a rainbow.

Forget newfangled gizmos, you get one shot.

The hammer has a half-cock position.

Your rifle has a saddle ring sling that looks like it was issued to the 7th Cavalry.

You get a socket bayonet.

Your bullet is fired over a huge charge of black powder and doesn't go fast enough to make a shockwave.

You have one shot, then you're out of ammo.

Men were men back then, so you figure you shouldn't complain about the recoil.

Your sights can adjust far enough for indirect fire.

Your rifle has fought against plains Indians, Spanish soldiers equipped with Mausers, and others equipped with superior weaponry. Somehow the US soldier managed to come out on top.

Your rifle won the Spanish-American War.

You inherited it from your great-great grandfather who used it to shoot Sitting Bull.

You scrounge ammo from museums.

Your bayonet looks like it belongs on a Brown Bess.

Service Life: 25 years or so.

You think smokeless powder is newfangled and won't catch on.

If your rifle breaks, you use your revolver.

You don't need anything but .45/70.

You consider it an honor if you can actually manage to fire two rounds without fumbling something.

After a long day at the range, you relax by watching Fort Apache.

After cleaning your rifle you eat hardtack and coffee.

You rifle's accessory is a saddle.
Your rifle's finish is varnish.

You curse the Army ordinance board that adopted your rifle.

Late at night you have to resist the urge to saddle your horse and charge!

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Things you know if you have a SMLE

It was last cleaned by a soldier somewhere in the British Empire

You want to emulate Alfred Snoxall, but you're not quite there yet.

Your rifle has a detachable magazine. It's awkward and hard to use. You just reload with chargers. For some reason you have this idea that the designers of this rifle hated you.

The safety is awkward and hard to use. Now you really think the designers of this rifle hated you.

You can get a canvas sling or a leather sling.

Your bayonet is a sword in its own right.

You like to repeat stories about the “Mad Minute.” You're not quite there yet, though.

When you run out of ammo, you use your 1907 pattern sword bayonet.

Tommy didn't complain about recoil. Neither should you.

You have volley sights that you've actually tried.

Your rifle was used by Tommies to kill fuzzy wuzzies. Also by Canadians.

Your rifle oppressed some fuzzy wuzzies that didn't actually have rifles and the Irish.

You paid $125 for the Indian copy.

You're lucky if you can find surplus Pakistani ammo that doesn't shoot.

You call your bayonet a “pig sticker.”

Service life: longer than smokeless powder has been around.

You have both variants that fire the 7.62 nato round.

You'd consider it a badge of honor if you could beat Sergeant Snoxall's record.

After a long day at the range, you relax by watching Zulu and pointing the SMLE's.

After cleaning your rifle, you have the urge for fish and chips.

You accessorize your rifle with the Pattern 1907 bayonet, the pig sticker, chargers, and extra bolt heads.

Your rifle's finish is black stove paint.

You made a pilgrimage to the Royal Small Arms Factory in Enfield.

Late at night, you fight the urge to oppress fuzzy wuzzies.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Things you know if you have a MAS-36:

It was last cleaned somewhere in the jungles of Viet Nam.

5 rounds in the magazine, no more.

Safety? Don't need a safety.

Your rifle does have a sling as a matter of fact.

Your bayonet is stowed in a tube under the barrel.

Your rifle is acceptable at typical combat ranges.

When out of ammo, you just reverse the bayonet under the barrel.

Recoil is easy to deal with.

Your sights are fixed.

You rifle has fought against the various Third World guerrilla movements in a vain effort to preserve your colonial empire and ultimately lost.

Your rifle didn't win anything.

You paid $200.

You buy French surplus ammo that they never used.

Your bayonet is good for sticking things and that's about it.

Service life, 25 years or so.

You look down your nose at people that deride the 7.5x55 French catridge.

Your rifle never breaks because no one fired it.

You consider it a badge of honor to actually fire your rifle.

After a not-so-long day at the range you relax with wine and cheese, and call the Americans to shoot your targets.

After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge to make fun of Americans.

Your rifle's accessory is a bayonet that is stowed under the barrel.

Your rifle was designed by a committee.

Late at night, you have to resist the urge to go to outside and start building concrete fortifications.

Things you know if you have an Arisaka:

It was last cleaned somewhere in a jungle in the south pacific by a Japanese soldier that didn't surrender until thirty years after World War 2.

You can hit the barn from 300 meters, but no one thinks you can damage it.

You don't reload the mag. You empty the rifle and then shout “Banzai!”

Your bolt has a weird push button safety that holds things together.

Your rifle had a sling, but a starving Japanese soldier ate it.

Your bayonet makes a great sword.

Everyone thinks your bullets are too wimpy to do much damage.

When you run out of ammo, your rifle and bayonet make a superb polearm for the banzai charge.

Recoil? Banzai!

Why do you need sights? Banzai!

Your rifle has fought in many places around the world that no one remembers.

Your rifle is taller than the soldiers it was issued to.

You paid $75.

Who needs ammo? Banzai!

You don't need to fix the bayonet. You just use it as a sword.

Service life 80 years or so if you count the holdouts.

It's easier to make a new rifle if you want to change cartridge sizes.

If your rifle breaks, Banzai!

You consider it a badge of honor if you can find ammo.

After a long day at the range you relax by watching Letters from Iwo Jima.

Your rifle's accessories are a dust cover that someone ditched and a bayonet.

Your rifle doesn't have a finish. Banzai!

You can't find any pictures of Arisaka Nariakira

Late at night, you sometimes have to fight the urge to launch a last ditch banzai charge on your neighbor's house.